Suprise of a lifetime

  The worst possible pain I felt was on October 16, 2007. The reason for it I was in labor. Waking up at 3:00a.m with what I thought were cramps; that would not go away. I lay in bed for three hours until I decided to go to the hospital. I arrived at the E.R  not only was I scared, but my mom and husband ( but at the time boyfriend) were also scared. I sat there for maybe three minutes; the nurse called me in and asked me a series of  questions. Then I was told to take a test. I was pregnant. I asked the nurse "Are you sure?" she said "Yes" I asked her "When am I do?" She told me "Your in labor now!" I broke down in tears right there the cold, white hallway by myself. I saw my boyfriend walking down the hallway towards me. When I saw him walking it took forever like time was slowing down. When I was going to tell him he had a change of face; like he knew what I was going to say. When he finally approach me, I said out loud "I'm pregnant!" His face just went blank and he turned so pale that at that moment I thought he would pass out.  

  After the nurse just took me into the room where I still cried my eyes out. I was now terrified to let my mom know. I hadn't told her what I just found out, but the nurse did. When she came to me I cried even harder. The nurse was trying to calm me down but I just couldn't. Then my mom came to me and said "It's okay." After hearing those words and knowing I had her support I calmed down. Now all I can think was is he okay? My boyfriend and I really didn't talk he and I were just trying to process everything that was happening. My main focus was hoping he or she would come out fine. I thought if something was going to happen or went wrong with him, it's all my fault. I was scared, nervous, and terrified. I just wanted to know he was okay. Did I hurt him? I couldn't focus on anything else, but him. A few hours of pain and people had passed. A nurse comes to me and asks "Do you want to know the sex of your baby?" I couldn't ask but my boyfriend said yes. I just waited there while my boyfriend was holding my hand; he was just as nervous as I was. I was hoping for the nurse to just say he or she was healthy. She  looks up to us and says "Your baby is fine and it's a Boy" We were happy. My boyfriend was really excited; so were both our families. It was just a joyous moment.

  Hours had passed again, and all I wanted to do was hold him. I did not get the epidural because I felt at that moment I owed him that much. I needed to feel all the pain. When it came time to push. Danny was right there holding my hand even though we barely communicated; we needed each other. My mom was on the other side holding my hand as well. I pushed then it happen at 6:20 p.m he was born. I first heard his cry. I started to crying then my boyfriend kissed me and said "Thank you." I couldn't hold him right away which I understood so I waited. So when he finally came to me. The moment I held that little baby in my arms he changed me. I have never been around a kid, nor have I changed one or fed one. But in that moment I fell in love. I realized what I wanted and needed was him. I had my family, my boyfriend (now husband), my newborn son Danny Matthew Martinez. I felt complete that everything had come to place.

 Having my son was a moment in my life I could never forget and change. I wish I would of taken better care of myself and him. But at the time I was so selfish I didn't want to accept the fact I was pregnant, that I was going to be a teenage mom. I wanted to have my freedom still I guess that is why I was still in denial so much. 

  I also wish I would of enjoyed my pregnancy everyone tells me how they wish I would of said something. They remind me all the time of a big baby shower I missed out on. But again I was thinking about me. I don't think I don't think I would of forgiven myself if something did happen to my son.  But at the moment the nurse told me he was okay. I still wasn't at ease with myself. I needed to see, hold, and hear him to make sure he was okay. When I first held him and saw and herd and felt he was fine, I thanked my grandma. She died years ago, but I felt she took care of him. She was my guardian angel. I don't believe in God, because I have different beliefs; but I do believe in angels. I don't think my son would be okay if it weren't for her. After I had my son, everything changed for the better. It's amazing how people judge you for being a teenage mom. In the hospital a social worker consoled me, I don't know hwy. But when she talked to me about all the benefits the government would give me for being a teen mom. I said no, and she told me how being a single mom I can get more. When I told her I'm not single, she was surprised. I mean she just judged me right there. I had told her my boyfriend was not there at the moment because he went with my mom to buy stuff for the baby. She was still shocked. When others see me by myself with my son, they judge me. They all think  I get food stamps, welfare, etc. But I don't first of all my husband wouldn't allow it, let alone my mom. But I move on from that. I don't let it get to me. I just let it go because my son changed me to be a better person, then I have ever been.